If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
