Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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