You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
