I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
