dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
