smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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