I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
