Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Vodka?
Forever.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
