Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Randomize
