here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
