Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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