How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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