she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
