Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
