Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
There's always time for handjobs
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
