If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
