they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
