for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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