I'm drive I can fine osifer
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
mondays should just be called national damage control day
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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