I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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