you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
We are all done wearing pants today
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
