you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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