It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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