I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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