Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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