I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I have aggressive nipples.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
