Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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