That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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