I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
