my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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