my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
