Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
