you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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