So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
