hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
