She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
