I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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