You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
