I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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