Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
