wat bout pragnant strippers??
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
