Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
pop tarts are not kleenex
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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