guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
