Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he was CRYING into my vagina
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It's shark week go big or go home
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
