i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
