I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
