So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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