it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
