I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
