my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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