I'm drive I can fine osifer
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
