just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
